The Top 22 Funniest SEM Posts
One of my favorite things about the Search community is that they are not only smart but also pretty darn witty. After reading 20 blog posts in a row about Twitter (or whatever the latest topic is) it can be very refreshing to read something that just makes you laugh out loud.
I have gathered 22, of what are in my opinion, Hi–larious posts from bloggers in the search community (and a few randoms as well) to make you laugh. Here are the links along with some evidence of their funniness:
Lists of Funny
- Top 21 Signs You Need a Break From SEO (2007 version)
“5) When your son tells you he wants to go play in the sandbox, you fear you won’t see him again for eight months.
- The 7 Secrets of SEO Success
“Bribing DMOZ editors. Or paying their extortion demands.”
- 6 Ways That Bloggers are Like Rappers
“Similarity #2: Guest Appearances as a Major Key to Success …Guest rapping to gain exposure hasn’t stopped since and the top two songs on the Billboard Hot 100 right now are by “Usher featuring Young Jeezy” and “Flo Rida featuring T-Pain Low”. Guest blogging is also a common means for gaining exposure on the blogosphere.”
- Top 10 Dreams Bloggers Don’t Want to Wake Up From…
“Overnight the world has come to realize that Britney, Paris and Lindsay are boring, and business and marketing blogs are where it’s at. Thus, all the traffic from Perez and TMZ has been redirected to you…and your server is still kicking!”
- 8 Unfortunate Logos
Ok this just makes me laugh but is a little inappropriate. You’ll have to see for yourself!
- 21 More Really Funny Search Queries
“blog your way to a top job”…If only it was that easy
- 12 Signs that You May Be a Social Media Addict
“Story, video, and image quality are important to you, but not as important as the headline.”
- 15 Ways to Be a SEO Conference Douchebag
“10. Ask SEO questions first – Why SHOULDN’T Todd Freisen write all your sites .htaccess 301 redirects for your site migration the first time he meets you? Michael Gray OWES you at least a dozen good linkbait ideas for your dental practice because after all, he posts his picture on the internet and talks about marketing on his blog.”
- 34 Ways Sex is Like Internet Marketing
“We are always learning something new…Free is best, but some people just have to pay…Sometimes it looks free, then they ask for $19.95…Exchanging favors can do wonders.”
- Could A Chimp Do SEO? Heck YES!
“Judging by the fact that chimps tend to get the most attention at the zoo, it’s obvious to me that they’d also get the most links. Everyone likes a chimp”
- A Girl’s First Time….. being Poked
“One lonely night after not hearing from him in a while I drunk dialed him. I’m pretty sure Michael was pissed. Either that or he was aware of my superpokes with others. Within moments after I drunk dialed him, I got a facebook notice that he took my sexy back. Oh, I was not happy!! I trout slapped him, threw a cow at him and even body slammed him”
- My Take On Famous SEO Celebrity Nonsense
“People shouldn’t want to be famous, they should just want to make some connections. Don’t be an ass, help people when you can and they’ll help you in return. All it takes is an email, no need for a blog if you don’t want to write one. It’s called networking people.”
- Twas the Night Before an Algo Change
“So down to their laptops the SEOs they flew,With more link bait and keywords and < H1 > tags too.”
- What if SEO & Search Had Action Figures
You kind of have to see the pictures and info on this one…
- Jill Whalen -vs- SEO Hack
“What SEO Hack Would’ve Wrote: If I see one more Sphinn about BlogRush I’m going to go on a drunken rampage that will result in the deaths of no less than 127 bums. Enough with this crap already!”
- The Camera Adds 10 Pounds or A Girl’s Guide to getting ready for conference season
“Step two? Stop eating. Completely. Okay, maybe something just to kick start metabolism but that’s it. Sure you’re so hungry that your stomach is actually gnawing on your spine and you get lightheaded just from breathing but nothing tastes as good as thin feels, right?”
- What if SEO’s mated? We needed to find out!
Again…can’t even explain this one!
- Social Media in the 1990’s
“Before YouTube… there was “America’s Funniest Home Videos” This 90’s television smash-hit, based on a Japanese show, kicked off user-generated video content in America. People submitted home videos of babies with nail guns, dogs on fire, and grandmas falling down, in hopes of winning a weekly cash prize.
Who Doesn’t Enjoy a Good Call Out?
- NEW at Wal-Mart: SEM Services
“If you’re like me, and you’re sitting there, reading this, and thinking to yourself WTF?… my only logical guess as to why the Wal-Mart / Sam’s Club organization has decided to step into Internet marketing is because they’ve either A) lost their damn minds or they’re B) getting tired of running the mom-and-pop stores of the country out of business and are now looking to bring their fight elsewhere.”
- Worst Link Building Email I’ve Ever Received
“I thought the text of the Tarzan-esque email is worth sharing not only for its absolute funniness, but also as an example of what not to do when sending emails promoting a service or asking for a link.”
- Dumbass of the Week: Web Propeller
“Well as luck would have it, they scraped my post from yesterday. So now they are proudly announcing on their own site what evil site scraping bastards they really are. And the kicker? They’ve tagged the post under the category seo problems. Bwa ha haaaaa!”
- I just destroyed the entire SEO industry
“I just destroyed the entire SEO industry. I’ve written an explosive guide that has pretty much exposed all the secrets SEO firms have been jealously guarding. To put it bluntly, this guide can enable anyone to be an SEO, with real proven results.”
- The Magic SEO Beans
“Because of this magic formula we can guarantee you a top 10 position for the keyphrase ’straighteners’ on the main google index.”
I am sure I am missing a bunch but I hope at least some of these made you laugh as they definitely have entertained me over the past few months.